


Reflection

by Worldwide_Handsome



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-08
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-11 08:28:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11144655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worldwide_Handsome/pseuds/Worldwide_Handsome
Summary: Sometimes when his thoughts overwhelm him Shiro reflects on his worries alone, but not tonight.





	Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> A one shot of attempting to explore Shiro's insecurities but maybe I'm just projecting, who knows. This is me, trying to comfort myself.
> 
> I wanted to go more in depth but perhaps some other time, I need planning and a lot of time for that. I just needed a good escape of my own thoughts and I decided to express it through Shiro, kinda. 
> 
> I wrote this in one night and I didn't proofread because whoa its way past my bedtime.
> 
> Comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated.

Reflection

 

'The world is another name for despair, my height is another diameter of the earth,

I am my own happiness and anxiety, 

It repeats every day, the like and dislike towards me' -

 

 

Shiro stood at the gigantic glass window, his arms crossed and his body leaning against the cold solid frame. The night was quiet; the room echoed a comforting silence. Space was boundless, space was limitless, space was vast, and it carries a certain mystery to it that Shiro finds intriguing and frightening at the same time. He stood there in the middle of the room, body pressed against the solid glass frame, his head deep in thought. He watched as glowing white shapes white as snowflakes contrast against dark gloomy canvas.  Even with the barrier in between, he feels the cold territory of the strange galaxy.

Its nights like these he finds the temptation of the empty void of space so peaceful. There’s a sense of secrecy to it as if you could just pour your deepest feelings and it would offer its comfort without judgements. It reminded him of earth, of home, the cosy retreat of a familiar place.  He reminisced about the good old days, before Voltron, before Garrison where things were simple, where the fate of the universe was far behind him and the only problem mattered were trivial mundane things. Still, he wasn’t always the person people perceive him to be. There were times he struggled like everyone else. Struggled with fitting in, struggled with identity and struggled with acceptance. 

He too had his moment of weakness. Underneath the bold and level headed facade lies an unsuspecting enemy.

Shiro let out a heavy sigh, tightening the hold of his arms against his chest. If he was honest with himself, the remnants of the feeling linger within him. He doesn’t admit it often, to himself or to anyone but more often than not, he sometimes succumbs into damaging thoughts, thoughts that he tried to suppress. Shiro stared down at his metal arm, his gaze shaking at the sight. No matter how many years or months it’s been, it still shocks him. The part of him that made him human, the part of him that used to be so ordinary is now nothing more than a weapon. Shiro shivered at the thought, tears forming at the corner of his eyes. Sometimes the pressure is a lot to bear, sometimes when the lights are dimmed and the castle is quiet, he finds himself here staring at the vast void of space wondering if he could ever find peace.

He knows he’s stronger than this, he knows that things will get better. He’s used to this escape, it’s the only solace he has to the overbearing feeling of worthlessness. It’s easier to forget about it when he’s with his friends or defending the universe as Voltron because as a leader his role required him to be mature and level headed. But as a person, even that gets tiring. It’s not that he’s not any of his qualities but there are sides of him that he wouldn’t expose to people not because he’s scared but because he feels vulnerable.

“Shiro?”

A voice called him out of his day dream; he turned his head to see Lance dressed in his night robe looking at him with a worried expression.

“Oh, Lance, what are you doing here?”

Lance shrugged, “I couldn’t really sleep so I wandered and found you here looking like you got dumped.” Lance chuckled lightly but stopped when he saw how unresponsive Shiro was.

“Are you okay, Shiro?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, just you know—I couldn’t sleep either.”

Lance walked closer and leaned against the tall glass, his eyes watching the vastness of space in childlike wonder.

“You ever think about how dark and big space is?”

“Yeah, I do Lance.”

“It feels like we’re completely alone out here, so insignificant. But it’s so beautiful and breathtaking at the same time you can’t help but fall in love with it.”

“You know, I used to be so captivated by the idea of space. I mean, I still do now,” Lance sighs dreamily, reminiscing the countless of times he lay awake thinking about the stars. “But being here is different you know, it feels like we’re the only ones out here and---“

“Lance, “Shiro’s voice is soft but his tone harsh. “I think you should try going back to sleep, you need it for tomorrow.”

Lance‘s face fell immediately, his posture slack and he swallowed dejectedly.  “O-oh,” he stuttered, slightly taken aback by the unwanted vibe. Without another word, he turned for the door, hesitating briefly before whispering, “I hope you feel better.”

Hearing the sadness in his voice hit Shiro with a sudden sense of guilt. Maybe his words are harsher than he intended it to be.

“Lance, wait,” Shiro called out, “Look, I’m sorry, I just don’t feel 100% right now.”

Lance stopped, contemplating if he should just leave or stay. It’s better to leave people to sort their own problems without causing further frustration. Lance fixed his eyes on his leader, taking in the defensive posture and the frustrated expression on his usually calm face. Lance couldn’t help but sympathise, with a low sigh he walked back to where Shiro stood. 

“Bad day?”

Shiro nodded silently, his gaze still fixed on the scene in front of him, concentrating on the tiny dots of stars.  Lance bit his lip nervously, uncomfortable with the silence.

“Don’t worry about Zarkon, if he shows up we’ll just form Voltron and kick his sorry butt.” said Lance, animatedly, fist punching the air heroically.

“It’s not that, “Shiro sighs, closing his eyes. “It’s just, “Shiro stops to look at Lance as his eyebrows wrinkle in soft sadness. Lance’s smile drops immediately at the sight of Shiro’s expression.

“I feel so worthless right now,” Shiro continued, “with everything that’s been going on, the Galra, Zarkon, and the fate of the universe, I feel like I’m part of that somehow.”

“Shiro,” Lance whispered, “you think this is your fault?”

Taken aback with the question, Shiro looks at Lance as if he’s going to break to pieces if he answers.  Shiro’s eyes widened and stared blankly at the floor.

“I feel like I could’ve done something, something more.”

“I can’t take this pressure, I can’t feel like anything more than what I am,” Shiro admits, extending his galra arm. “I try to act like this is not affecting me but I’ve never stopped thinking about it. “

“I know you must think I’m this put together leader, but I do have my demons. I have my insecurities, but I’m just really good at hiding it. I don’t know why I feel like this, so worthless, but it feels like everything’s been weighing me down lately.”

Lance leans against the glass window, listening intently, never once leaving his gaze away from his leader.

“I’m tainted; I know that, “Shiro wiped the tears dangerously close to falling, “Sometimes I’m afraid, afraid if I’m more like them than I am myself. What if I turn on everyone someday, how will I live with myself then?”

“I don’t say this often but sometimes I really do hate myself, I’m not happy sometimes. The pressure of being perfect, the weight of the world, and this feeling of never feeling whole, I can’t escape it no matter how hard I try.” Silent tears cascade down Shiro’s cheek, feeling very transparent and vulnerable in front of the blue paladin.

Without hesitation, Lance pulled Shiro into a sudden embrace. His hug is earnest and it caught Shiro completely off guard. Lance pulled away and gives Shiro a reassuring smile.

“Looks like you don’t have to worry about turning galra, you’re more human than you thought,” Said, Lance, as he gives Shiro the thumbs up.

“Look, I get it.” Lance sighs, “I mean, even though it’s reassuring to know one of my heroes is relatable, but really, you’re not doing this alone. You have us, and that’s enough.”

Shiro turned to Lance, taking in the weight of his words.

“Well, for now, you have me,” Lance paused then shrugged. “But what I’m saying is, you can feel lost or hurt or scared and that won’t change who you are or what you mean to the team. I know you’re overwhelmed right now, and it is scary to think of the responsibility, but you don’t have to be perfect all the time.”

Lance chewed on his lip lightly, “I’m not going to say get over it because I’m not an asshole and no matter how many times you loathe yourself, you are important to this team and to me. And no matter how matter times you try to say otherwise, I’m not going to let you get through this alone.”

With every word out of Lance mouth feels like a comforting embrace all on its own. His words are reassuring just as it is sincere and he feels surprisingly lighter than he was when he was alone. His heart feels content at the sheer appreciation and care his teammate has for him.

“Lance,” Shiro adjust his gaze to meet two pools of deep blue. Lance focused his gaze back at Shiro and finds his cheeks heating up.

“Thanks,” Shiro continued as his gaze softens, “I’m glad you stayed, and having you with me is enough.”

 Lance smiles sincerely at that, cheeks flush as they stood side by side in comfortable silence, looking out into the never ending pool of swirling galaxies.


End file.
